Advice
for the Perplexed
Howie Good is the author most recently of What It Is and How to Use It from Grey Book Press and Spooky Action at a Distance from Analog Submission Press. He co-edits the journals Unbroken and UnLost.
Wash your sex toys
(your unmotorized ones, at any rate) in the top rack of the dishwasher. Next
up, put on some music. Have a trick for getting bong water out of the carpet;
white wine, ironically, gets out red wine stains. But as of now there’s no
proven method to erase false memories and the like. Try to avoid being carried
off by a UFO when you can just walk. Make mute despair your default greeting to
people you happen to pass on the stairs. And always remember, a wild bull becomes
docile if tethered to a fig tree.
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